How to Have the Labor & Birth Experience You Want

“Birth is not only about making babies. It's about making mothers... strong, competent, capable mothers who trust themselves and know their inner strength.” - Barbara Katz Rothman

Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links.

Your labor and birth are a unique, unrepeatable, once-in-a-lifetime experience. That's not something that should be walked into blindly and left entirely up to chance. Of course nothing in life is entirely predictable or controllable, but your decisions (or indecision) significantly shape your experience. The care team you choose, where you give birth, what you do during labor, who you invite into that sacred space, how you address discomfort during labor, the position you give birth in, how your baby is cared for after the birth, how you're cared for after the birth, et cetera... it all comes together to shape your birth experience. Then, in turn, how you feel about your birth experience shapes your postpartum experience and ripples out into your motherhood journey indefinitely.

With that said, here are 3 things you can do to help yourself have the labor and birth experience you want (and deserve!).

1. Educate Yourself

This is hands down the number one most important step. But there are a few caveats... don't over-Google, don't reach for the tired old What To Expect, and don't just hop into any old childbirth class. Reality is that there is a lot of bad prenatal education out there. Books and classes that will bore you, fail to prepare you, and worst, will scare you unnecessarily. The hospital prenatal class I took while pregnant with my first baby was incredibly long, boring, unhelpful, and actually lowered the confidence I had before it. To summarize that class, childbirth is the most painful thing ever and you might die. Totally unprepared, my first labor and birth experience went wrong in so many ways, the opposite of every hope I had. Two and a half years later I began my journey of becoming a doula and childbirth educator, and later I wrote my own curriculum which I taught for about three years before finally making it into an online course, so that more families could access the information from the comfort of their own home, on their own time. My curriculum fills in the gaps I found in the prenatal education I received during my first pregnancy, the course I was given with my childbirth educator certification, and the education many of my doula clients received prior to coming to me. I am confident that it will thoroughly prepare and empower not only first time parents-to-be, but also parents who have already been around the block but are hoping for a different, better experience this time. Check it out here.

There are also lots of wonderful books I can personally vouch for, ones I keep in my arsenal, open again and again, and share with family and friends. Here are a few of my favorites:

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth - link here

The Vaccine Friendly Plan - link here

The Circumcision Decision - link here

The Birth Partner - link here

Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering - link here

Also feel free to check out my Amazon Storefront which has several lists including my favorite pregnancy essentials, postpartum items, infant care items and more! Link here.

2. Draft Your Support Team

Think long and hard about who you want (and don't want) to surround you during your pregnancy, labor, birth, and early postpartum days. You are not obligated to invite anyone into these sacred spaces, I don't care who they are or what they say. Choose people whose presence calms and encourages you. Choose people who respect boundaries and will only offer opinions when you ask. Choose people who will watch your body language for cues as to when to speak up, when to joke around, and when to remain somber and quiet. Even if you have a wonderful support system comprised of friends and/or family, consider professional support as well. A birth or postpartum doula is a professional care provider who supports families during labor and birth and/or the early postpartum days. She is not medically trained to conduct medical exams or procedures not is she able to prescribe medication; her training is centered around emotional support, empowering families to advocated for themselves, manual pain relief techniques, breast and bottle feeding support, and infant care education. Doulas are not meant to replace a partner or other family member, doulas are additional support, and often provide some emotional support for the partner or extended family as well. Google local birth service practices and ask to interview a couple doulas. It is important to find someone you connect well with.

For women who lack a supportive partner, friend or family member, a doula can be a transformative addition to your birth plan. Contact your medical insurance provider to ask whether they might cover doula care.

3. Start Advocating For Yourself and Your Baby TODAY

The most important skill you must acquire if you don't already possess it is the ability to advocate for yourself and your baby, even in the face of adversity. There will almost certainly come a time (many times actually) where you have to stand up for a choice you are making for yourself or your baby. I don't mean that you have to answer to anyone as to the reason for your choices, but there may be scenarios where action is required to prevent something you aren't comfortable with. When I had my babies, it was very important to me that people wash their hands before handling them. Some well meaning family members would say "oh, I just took a shower so my hands are clean" or "oh, I just used hand sanitizer in the car," and in those moments, I had a choice: I could either accept what they were saying and silently feel uncomfortable, or I could vocalize my wish to hold my boundary. I have a pretty strong personality so I didn't mind saying "thank you but I really would like for everyone to wash with soap and water right before holding the baby." Sometimes people didn't agree or understand my wishes, but that was okay. It was my baby. Be prepared to speak up for what you want and don't want, even at the risk of an awkward moment. Your wishes are worth an awkward moment.

It can be really hard to advocate for yourself in high-stress or painful situations. Your labor and birth might be high-stress or painful. So it's important to begin advocating for yourself before that time and get accustomed to that feeling, if you aren't already. Sit with that social discomfort when it comes. Take a breath. Remind yourself that this is your body, your baby, your life, your choices. That's all there is to it.

If you do these 3 things, you will be set up for success in achieving the labor and birth experience that you want. My wish for you is that you step into motherhood with confidence and peace of mind, knowing that you are strong and capable. I wish you nothing but the best and I believe in you. I hope you believe in you too! :)

Xoxo,

Mother Bare